My Parents Told Me Being Black Would Be a Blessing & a Struggle.
Since I was born, my parents engrained in me that this life was going to be hard. There was not going to be anyone to truly stick up for me besides God, family, and myself.
They told me that I would have to work twice as hard because of the color of my skin. They told me that I had to be perfect where others who did not have darker skin could fail.
They told me that mistakes I made in school, in life, with friends could leave lasting effects that POC could not often climb out of.
They told me that a staggering proportion of black men end up in prison or dead. They told me that they were immigrants from Nigeria and that I would be the new legacy for the family here in America.
They told me I would have to go to college and study engineering just so I could be taken seriously and be “considered” on the same intellectual level as those with fairer skin.
They told me that I was special and that I would have a responsibility to the brothers and sister that look like me, to handle the world to come and affect change. So, I clung to that truth and have never let it out of my mind.
Two years ago, Childish Gambino created a beautiful rendition what is means to be black in America, called “This Is America.” What’s sad is that his video hits so much harder two years after he created. It’s as almost as if we, as a society, completely forgot the message after getting hype on the lyrics, the dances, and the cinematic effects.
Well, for all POC this isn’t/wasn’t just another trendy song, this was a day in the life that we have continued to live with.
I will never forget that message, but I still try not to let these senseless killings affect me.
To be frank, I’d be lying if I said on some deep level they don’t. For the past few days I have tried to block out all of the noise and focus on my responsibility as a black man with a good level of influence.
But man, it hurts. It hurts like hell to see another brother killed, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually by the systemic racism.
I don’t want to get into the specifics of all that is happening because there is the news for that, what I want to talk about is the larger issue of systemic racism and how I have seen it.
As a black man, my parents trained me to be the bigger person, to notice the nuances behind the fake smiles, the soft handshakes, and showman praise.
They trained me to look beneath the surface.
I know how to really see people see me or other POC. The small microagressions made like walking towards someone on one side of the street and they crossing to go the the other side because a group of black men are heading their way.
The clutching of a purse a little bit tighter while walking past a black man.
The quick side eyes to make sure they can get a glimpse of any preserved danger.
The public praise comments from people of fairer skins, “Oh he/she is very well-spoken,” as if to really say, “Damn, I didn’t know people like you could actually be smart enough to say those kind of things.”
The list goes on and on, but despite it all, it is just another part of our life we must endure. The real problems come as the microagressions mount on top of each other, like a cop pulling over my dad for no reason, citing that he was “swerving lanes,” only to notice two sleeping black boys (my brother and I) in the back of the car and proceeding to tell him to be more “careful.”
Like the senseless police killings of unarmed black men because of perceived threats that have been handed down generation after generation and reinforced by the “slap of the wrist” nature of our judicial system (for anyone besides POC).
These Microagressions lead to the systemic racism which is the real point I want to drive home. The senseless police killings are in fact a tragedy and there is no excuse for it but there is a different kind of killing that is happening all around the country and that is the systemic killing of the opportunity POC have or will ever have.
That is the thing no one truly understands or talks about. It’s one thing to have black men continually killed for no reason, but it is another sinister issue to have a whole people group’s potential be slaughtered before it can even blossom. This, quickly and easily, creates something of a cognitive dissonance and lack of understand of our true value as people a group, which it turn leads to a hating of self, each other, and society at large.
We don’t see the representation we need in positions of real power or influence. As a black man in marketing, I would be hard pressed to be able to remember how many rooms I have been in with just one other POC, not to even talk about one other black male.
That’s a problem. When you think about positions of real power like judges, senators, C-suites positions, agency/marketing leaders, succesful tech startup founders, where were are the black men?
They are hardly there, but while we are leaders in the job of influencing cultural trends you would be hard pressed to find any of them in the traditional places were real power decisions are made that affect generations.
This topic is heavy and deep but their are so many negative stigmas around POC––how they act, how they dress, what they are like, which are wildly incorrect. The media and entertainment takes these talking points and reinforces them in the movies we watch, the shows we consume, and the news that is reported on.
Instead of showing moments of triumph within the black community we are continually shown our struggle, societies wrongs, and our current fate, just to make a quick buck.
Overtime we begin to form ideas around a whole people group because of what we see in the media or movies and have been taught through history.
One of the great lies right now is found in the“more representation” movement seemingly happening everywhere.
While, yes we are seeing more representation in ads, movies, etc. what we continue to fail to see is more representation in the rooms where the decisions are made for the ad or movie.
There is a real glaring disconnect that I have noticed, as a POC in marketing, between “oh wow their skin tone looks so good in our clothes,” or “they can make our product look so good with the urban/cool perspective” and the rooms where the decisions are being made that have 0 POC helping to call the shots.
What we as a people group lack is more seats at the table, but that is the catch 22 right. We are playing a game that has been so heavily stacked against us, so how can we ever really get to the table in numbers that will tip the scale. Because, don’t forget, while we are fighting to get there, other groups are waltzing right into the seat we are struggling to attain.
My brother shared this video with me that I fully believe displays the issue all POC seem to continually find themselves in:
When it comes to all the posts I am seeing on social media, I am tired of reading posts where non-POC say that are “tired of seeing all of this.” You don’t get to be tired because this is and has always been the reality that black men live in.
It takes real, like real, courage to be a black man in America right now. It takes real, like real, bravery to be a POC in America right now. Any day could be the last one and that is a hell of a burden to carry every single time you step outside of your home.
I love being a black man and wouldn’t change that if I could and I hope and pray that all of the POC out there feel the same. What we have is special, it is unique and it is worth fighting for.
So keep your head up, continue to stay strong because you can’t tap out of the game now.
As for anyone who is a non-POC, I think it is really important to have dialogues with any and all of your friends who are POC and really listen. Not say you “understand” or it “must be difficult,” just listen and really let what you are hearing influence how you see the world.
Then take action in your own life, notice the small microagressions, notice how you think about POC in all aspects of your life and take small steps here and there to change your own life, then someone elses.
Because we have a LONG way to go and, we need everyone in this fight.
-Charles
